1 Year AD/BD
the only time i ever saw him happy
was in the ocean
waves gently tucking
white cotton around his knees
nudging his spirit
back into his body
the universe folding in on itself
hiding in the bags under my eyes
and banana silk pyjamas
i have been chasing
a specific version of happiness
as though no other is possible
except the breaking that comes
with the pursuit
of something so beautiful
it will never exist again
the universe folding in on itself
a moment of self-recognition
grief lashing roots
down the sides of my nose
planting itself
at the corners of my mouth
blowing kisses
while bumping into trash cans
eating berries
offered by privately-owned trees
letting fingertips hover
after holding hands
and fighting cishets
a specific version of happiness
expanding with the sound of a trumpet
played by another who shares the same heart
reverb gently tucking
black cotton around my ankles
easing the fear out of my body
the universe folding in on itself
i have been chasing