Heartbeat

HER:

To me, you were god’s best piece of art-- nature’s beauty,

My eyes spotted you among hundreds of others,

A smile so enticing,

You were a blooming flower surrounded by a thicket of weeds, 

And I was a white butterfly that could never have your spotlight, 

It felt like spring on a gloomy Monday morning in October, 

I couldn’t help but loom closer to you, 

To admire your beautiful sight that I wished would remain in my eyes--forever, 

Not a second’s glance, yet I wondered? 

How would the nights be to sleep with your scent by my side? 

How would it be blessed to be looked upon by a sunflower like the way it does the sun? 

How would I live without caressing your cheeks, even if they are soft petals about to wilt? 

As I flew closer, my chest was filled with warmth and joy, 

Butterflies formed in my stomach,

My heart was thumping so loudly that it could’ve exploded, 

I batted my eyes so rapidly and my wings fluttered quickly,

At that moment, if you had beseeched, I would’ve wrapped my heart in your petals,

HIM:

I noticed her hovering near me and I smiled, 

I knew that she saw the sun in me, 

She longed to entangle her hands in mine, 

Like a butterfly landing on a flower’s antenna, 

Little does she know I’m a Venus Fly Trap disguised as a sunflower, 

As she approached, my heart paced faster, 

I could feel an adrenaline rush coursing through my body, 

My pulse matched hers, 

I couldn’t help but ponder? 

How would she endure it if I built castles in the air for her and then killed her dreams under my petals--softly? 

How would I live without her recognizing my true colors? 

How would she remain broken if I consumed her time, her patience, and her mind? 

I’m not as pure as she thinks I am. 

I would dare to share my pain by burning her wings and tainting them black.

I have no other option, for I am a Venus Fly Trap. 

I feed on pure souls. 

She is god’s most beautiful piece of art, 

And I enjoy altering paintings for my desires, 

For as long as they last.

by Anandi Gunda

Bad Habits

I don’t see your name on the top of my inbox, 

So I scroll down to your name--, 

A bashful smile sketches itself on my face, 

Thinking of all the crude jokes I unconsciously made, 

To hide my true intentions since I’ve been afraid, 

Hoping my feelings for you will fade, 

Then I send a reel I saved for you, 

I feel an unexplainable rush, like the feeling you get right before a roller coaster drops when I see you react, 

I’ve fastened myself onto an emotional ride that will eventually send me falling,

A feeling of euphoria takes over me and I reply within seconds, 

Though I know it’s been an hour since you’ve left me on seen, 

You are like a drug that slowly poisons me,  

I’ve been stuck in this spiral before and many have given me words of advice, 

Eventually, each of my loved ones turned out to be my rehabilitation center, 

Yet I never sought anything from their free therapy, 

But because I never got what I wanted I’ve never seen recovery, 

In due course, the side effects will hit me so I brace myself for facing hell again, 

I know by the time I reach the end of the ride and when the night changes, 

Your chat will be miles away to scroll but I’ll never be tired, 

When the morning sickness hits me and there are messages from other girls in your inbox, 

My brain will wire me to our previous chats, hoping you’ll see what I have, 

I want to unfasten myself from this roller coaster and stop this addiction! 

Is there a permanent solution to prevent me from injecting doses of your charm into me?

I refuse to rise to darkness and my best friend’s sobs, 

I face a downhill spiral: drops spill from the injection, drops flow from my eyes

Amid my glee, I unconsciously overdose myself,

How do I get you out of my recent chats? 

Do I have to block your account or do I have to block my impulsive thoughts? 

With the remaining unimpaired nerve cells and unburst alveoli,  

I beg you with a raspy voice, “Please release me from this ride,”

Please vanish from my recent chats as effortlessly as you entered. 

by Anandi Gunda

---

This poem was previously published on The Cleverly Creatives