Swish swish, the saree pleats go & Machine & Sister
Swish swish, the saree pleats go
Swish swish, the saree pleats go
I'm lost in ten year-old reverie
Feeling my girlish fantasy
My mirror affirming my new apparel
Unable to reflect the inevitable peril
Twenty-four years have passed
Those memories as fragile as glass
RSVP no to all the weddings
Not knowing where I'm heading
Unsure of what to wear
To any hindu family affair
Fourteen going on thirty-four
Feels like adolescence once more
Wondering how much connection to forgo
Days spent inside, quiet and forlorn
Pass by storefronts, pause for the bait
Mannequin couples holding hands
Which outfit must I recreate?
The one in slacks and a collared shirt
I'd feel at ease
and cover up my hurt
A cleave in my reality
A fracture in identity
This feeling so uncanny
So I ask out loud "Why now?"
to the fleeting clouds
An arrested development?
Then left to brave the elements
Compfem riding waves of validation
A performance now awash in humiliation
The writing was on the walls
The scaffolding coming apart
How will I tell my parents?
Knowing they'll chalk it up to
mental illness?
Appa's suicidal tendencies
Amma's hidden family history
Chinna Anna's autism a mystery
Periya Anna's schizophrenic onset
- my parent's greatest agony
So grab a gurney for me
I'll fulfill the family legacy
Machine
Updates brought forth daily
Up to the minute news
Uptown excited over gold rush
Us folk scroll our devices
To learn of what looms
Each headline
more chilling than the last
Automatons more than assistants
CEO says staff layoffs imminent
Drone usage grows increasingly illicit
ChatGPT prompts deranged and explicit
Illiteracy rates on the rise
Cognitive capacity in decline
Manikins VS Mankind
Androids bring forth human demise
Bots takeover dating apps!
I fling my phone across the room
Within seconds I reach to hurl my laptop
But catch sight of more promises
of digital doom and gloom
Loneliness epidemic continues to rise
Mattel collaborates with OpenAI
Therapy at the low cost of Gemini
Woman falls in love with AI
The rise of intelligent WiFi
Humans surveilled and dehumanized
Techno-anxiety and starved of intimacy
No choice but to
become one with machine
Sister
Matching heart necklaces, engraved
Playing hooky at the cinema, unspoken
I've never stopped searching
You don't want to be found
Shame, guilt and fear, profound
Letters that cross the Atlantic, handwritten
Swapped stories and poems, vulnerable
I'm now stranded in the middle of the ocean
The loneliness anchors me, unbearable
Makeup strewn and hair tools tangled, girlhood
Warm bowls and cozy blankets, blood bond
Even if the writing is on the wall
How can I ever turn my back
on our grandmother's soul?
My truth too heavy for you, loaded
I swallow every word of inconvenience, bloated
Tension between us growing, atmosphere
Smiles and laughs for the cameras, revered
Lost colour in our faces, seasick
You never said a word before leaving, overboard
This sinking feeling in me, capsized
I go on living life without you, monochrome
You say you don't see it that way, ultraviolet
Years pass us by and you still deny it
So I grab hold of a buoy and save my goodbyes
For the ghost of my sister,
who no longer replies
Mathangi Ketheeswaran (she/they), 34, is a Tamil-Canadian poet, activist, and lover of books, beaches, and queer media and storylines.